


Every Man Is A Moon

by iliveatlast



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Because Greyback is the Worst, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Harry Raised by Wolves, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Child Abuse, Pre-Hogwarts, Werewolf Harry Potter, Werewolf Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-18 21:32:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16525043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iliveatlast/pseuds/iliveatlast
Summary: "Every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind if you want to see it." Harry grows up as part of Greyback's pack, marking down the days until he's big enough to escape. All that changes when the a new member of the pack comes and Harry starts to see a world he didn't know existed.





	1. The Lupin

“There’s a fresh one,” Bader said. Bader was the biggest of the littles, almost fourteen, which made him think he was boss. Harry didn’t think so. Greyback was alpha, that he had to accept - Harry was too little to do anything about that (not yet) but he didn’t have to listen to Bader, who was maybe only five years bigger - maybe only four. Sure, Bader was taller, but he couldn’t beat Harry in a fair fight. Soon he wouldn’t beat him in an unfair one, if Harry kept practicing. And the other littles didn’t like Bader, didn’t do what he said without a punch or a threat - they’d do what Harry said, if he asked. He didn’t like to ask unless he needed to - he didn’t want Bader to know, and he definitely didn’t want Greyback. 

Bader gave Harry a cuff around the ear that almost pushed him into the lake where they were washing. He made a big splash trying to stay upright and growled at Bader. “You listening? I said - "

“I knew already,” Harry growled. He hadn’t known for sure, but whenever Greyback made the littles come to the big bonfire, that meant either a fresh one or punishment or feasting, and it was the wrong time of the moon for a feast and Harry tried to forget about punishments as much as he could. Plus the grown ups had been acting weird - not that Harry saw them much, but they’d been muttering and going off to different parts of the woods in secret, to talk. They wouldn't have done that about feasting.

“He’s not fresh,” piped up Archie. He’d washed off and was now painting himself with mud like some of the grown ups did for bonfire, even though he was only one hand bigger than Harry. Harry didn’t see the point of washing off and then getting dirty again. “I heard Freki and Manny talking when they were fishing the other day - he was here once a long time ago. But then the wizards stole him back and raised him away. But now he’s come back. So he isn’t properly fresh.” Archie threw words like that a lot, properly or certainly or really. Greyback said it was lip and would cuff him one. Archie got words from books - he was eight when he was fresh and he’d been reading and everything, and he had a stack of waterlogged comics and magazines the cubs had found at campsites. Archie’d read them to the cubs some nights, sounding out the hard words. He’d offered to teach Harry, but Harry figured it was easier not to learn stuff that’d get him in trouble with Greyback. He was in trouble enough as it was. 

Bader gave Archie a warning cuff. Archie wasn’t fast like Harry - he couldn’t catch himself and slipped all the way into the water. When he sputtered back to the surface, the muddy swirls on his chest were smudged and runny. 

“Fresh enough. Greyback says he hasn’t been with us at moon time ever. So that’s fresh.”

“Freki and Manny said - ”

Bader thwapped Archie one across the face, then thwapped Harry one for good measure. Harry didn’t hit back - he dunked himself instead under the water, cool against the sting on his forehead. When he came back up, he smelled blood - Bader’d split his eyebrow. The others, bathing too far away to hear, looked at the blood trickling down Harry’s face, then looked away. 

“You’re clean enough,” Bader proclaimed, shoving his way out into the shallows, Archie and the other littles scrambling on his heels. They’d all thrown their clothes up into the branches of the nearest tree, in case the girls came and stole them. They always did this, even though Harry’d never seen the girls near their side of the lake. The other boys scrambled out, shook themselves off as Bader climbed the tree and threw clothes down to everyone. He threw Harry’s trousers last, aimed for the lake, but Harry was too quick and caught them before they got wet. He pulled them on, searched the pockets for his necklace of bones. Littles mostly wore rabbit bones, even Bader. You didn’t get to wear better bones till you were big.

“There’s a fresh one,” Bader said again. Archie didn’t say anything, busied himself with his trousers. Bader licked his lips, bared his teeth - crooked and human. Greyback didn’t let you sharpen till you had your first kill. “Don’t want to be late.”

They trudged off, the split still trickling blood over Harry’s eye. Archie walked next to him, nudged him with one arm. Harry wiped the blood off his forehead with his fingers, rubbed his fingers clean on his chest - sure he’d washed, but blood was better than mud that way. They picked their way through the woods, down the path to the big camp.

“Your brother has come home,” Greyback said to them all. The littles were scattered in front of the fire, legs crossed. It got cold in summer, even near the fire, and Harry inched in a little more. Greyback said that every time, unless it was a girl. Then he’d say sister. But this wasn’t a girl, or even really a boy - it was a man. He was old and tired and weak looking. Harry looked with interest at the scars on the man’s face - they weren’t big or anything, just little claws, but Harry liked them. Better than his, that weird claw on his forehead that came from Greyback holding his head while he bit Harry’s shoulder. Shoulder scars everyone had, Greyback liked them. But face scars were special. 

“Your brother is back,” Greyback said. That was different. Maybe there was something to Freki and Manny’s talk. Plus, the man was too old to be really fresh. Greyback didn’t bite them that old. Didn’t like the taste.

“He’s been away from us too long,” Greyback said. “Stolen from his rightful home, stolen from his brothers and sisters. They taught him wizard ways, made him dress like a man, speak like a man. Made him transform alone, cut off from his own kind.” The pack around him hissed, and Harry hissed too. Transforming alone was one of the worst punishments, even worse than transforming with Greyback. Harry’d only had to do it twice and each time was terrible - he’d wake up scratched raw, his hands bitten bloody, his bones cracking and aching. Transforming alone was torture. Wizards were monsters. 

“They taught him to hate himself. To hate his own kind. Taught him we wouldn’t have him, not with his fancy robes or his wizards wand. Well, they taught him wrong, didn’t they?” A howl of agreement, and Harry looked at the man with renewed interest. A wand? Harry knew Greyback had a wand somewhere - he’d threatened to use in on Harry when he was especially bad - but he’d never seen one up close. Had the man brought the wand with him? Maybe Harry could sneak into his hut and see it. It’d be worth the beating from Greyback to touch a real magic wand.

“We always accept back our brothers. Pack never turns on each other.” A howl, one Harry participated in to keep from rolling his eyes. Bader, next to him, howled full force.

“Our time is coming. And the pack knows. Even this brother, cut off from us, abandoned to wizards - he sensed it. And he returned!” A howl, greater and louder than before. Harry took to this one with gusto. Greyback talked about that a lot - their time coming. Harry couldn’t wait. His time coming, he was pretty sure, meant no more Bader, no more sleeping in the pup hut, no more hungry days midmoon, no more Greyback. His time would come, he was pretty sure, sooner or later. He hoped sooner. That made Greyback go into politics - Harry and the other cubs mostly tuned out then. Harry didn’t really understand politics, except that the wizards were bad and one day they’d have to be put in their place. Anything more complicated than that, he let slide. The grown ups followed it better, maybe, but maybe not. Most of them had been cubs here themselves once. Wizard politics couldn’t mean much to them either. 

A little more howling, then the fire started to break down. The men and women were pairing off, which meant time for cubs to get scarce. The last unlucky cubs in the vicinity would end up paired with Greyback - something not even Bader pretended to enjoy, even though he said he didn’t like it because that was a cub’s place and he was almost a man. Harry was fixing to dart off into the brush when Greyback’s hand latched onto his shoulder, right over his bite scar. 

“Not so fast there, runt.” Harry bristled at this - he wasn’t a runt, Archie was only a hand bigger and there were at least five boys who were much smaller - but tried not to show it. Bad enough to get caught by Greyback. Worse to get caught by Greyback and make him mad. Pairing up wasn’t technically a punishment, but it could turn into one real quick. “Where’s Bader?” 

Harry felt a jolt of joy in his gut - Greyback didn’t want him after all! - that almost immediately turned into guilt. He didn’t like Bader, but he still didn’t wish Greyback on him. “Dunno, Greyback.”

Greyback growled a little and rocked Harry back and forth by his shoulder. 

“He was next to me at the fire but he prob’ly went off,” Harry added quickly. Sure, maybe he didn’t like Bader, but he still wouldn’t turn him in, like a rat. Harry was a wolf. Wolves weren’t rats. 

“You’ll do, then.” Harry’s stomach sunk, but Greyback just tweaked his shoulder again, so Harry was facing Greyback. He had the new man by his side, and Harry stared curiously. Up close, his face scars were even cooler, silvery pink and plentiful, and his wizard clothes were more complicated than any clothes Harry'd ever seen. Greyback said, “Meet your new brother Lupin.” 

“Hello,” the man said politely. He held out a hand and Harry looked at it. What was he meant to do with that? It was all wrong for a cuff, too low and still. Harry just sniffed at it. 

“Take him to the pup hut for tonight,” Greyback said. “You like kids, don’t you, Lupin?”

The man - the Lupin - his face twisted up a little, real quick, but Harry saw it. He tried to see everything. Greyback was too busy laughing at his own joke to notice. Greyback’s thumb ran over the scar tissue on Harry’s shoulder gently. 

“Hrolf’s been here since he was a squirt,” Greyback said, almost fondly. “Almost as young as you. Mighta been younger. How old were you, Lupin, when I had you?”

“Four.”

“Hrolf was probably - eh - how old d’you think, Hrolf?”

Harry shrugged. “Dunno, Greyback. Maybe four.”

“Get ‘em when they’re too young to know, that’s the ticket. You get Lupin a bunk and settle him in at the pup hut, all right? Figured he’d want a chance to see what he missed out on.”

Harry nodded. He didn’t see why anyone would feel they’d missed out on the pup hut - it was cramped and damp and cold at night - but nodding was the best answer with Greyback. Greyback gave a little squeeze to his shoulder again, then let him go. 

“You see Bader, tell him I was looking for him, all right, runt?"

“All right, Greyback.” 

“Good pup. All right, git. See you in the morning, Lupin.” Lupin nodded. Greyback clapped a hand on Lupin’s shoulder - gave it a squeeze like he’d given Harry’s. 

“The morning. Yes. I - “ the Lupin swallowed. “Thank you.”

Greyback let out a howl of laughter. “And don’t it sound like poison!”

“No, I - I’m grateful. I am.”

“You will be. You’ll see, Lupin. This is how it should have been. All along.” Greyback gave him another squeeze. “Now, git. You need a torch?”

“Course we don't,” Harry said, almost insulted. He hadn’t needed a torch since he was a baby. Greyback gave a little howl, again, then turned and walked off to the fire. Harry thought he saw one of the girls darting away, but he turned away before he could tell who or if she’d been caught. 

“This way,” he said, jerking his head. “S’not far.”

“Thank you,” the man said again, still that polite tone, like the radio man from Old Mix’s transistor. The trudged along for a minute with no sound by the rustle of leaves.

“So you’re the Lupin, then?”

“Just Lupin. Well, my first name is Remus. Remus Lupin.”

Harry snorted. “Greyback give that all to you?”

“No. My father.”

“He a wolf too?” The man got quiet. 

“No. He wasn’t.”

“Just thought - I mean, s’good name. Greyback wants everyone to have wolf names. Or moon names. He keeps a whole book of ‘em he got from stories and stuff. But he won’t let anyone have Remus. He says that’s special.”

“Well, it’s always been my name. What about - um - Hrolf? Old family name, is it?”

Harry barked a laugh. “Greyback picked it. Flipped through his book. No one calls me that, though.”

“What do you like to be called?” Harry felt a moment of nervousness. 

“I mean - just that like, I have a nickname. Like, short for Hrolf. I didn’t change my name. It’s not a human name.”

“It’d be all right if it was. You’re a human.”

Harry stopped, then turned around. The woods around them was dark and silent, but that didn’t mean anything. Anyone could be listening. 

“Don’t say that here,” he said quietly. He looked at the Lupin in the almost not there light of the waxing crescent. “You’re not a pup but you’re sort of one so listen to me. Don’t say it. We’re not. All right? We’re not human. Don’t let him here you say that, you’ll get -“ Harry shrugged. “We’re not. That’s all.”

“I’m sorry. I won’t. Thank you.” They walked a little further. 

“Harry,” Harry said suddenly. “But only in the pup hut, all right? Not - anywhere else. It’s just - short for Hrolf.” He hoped the Lupin wouldn’t notice Hrolf was shorter than Harry. 

“Harry,” Lupin said. His voice was all tight. 

"Just in the pup hut, yeah? Like a nickname."

“Of course. Well. A pleasure to meet you, Harry."

“Yeah. Er. Right.” They hit the curve in the path near the stone markers. “You was really a wizard?”

“I am. Was.”

“Had a wand and all?”

“I did. Yes.”

Harry tried to contain his disappointment. Did probably meant he didn’t anymore. 

“Are you a wizard?”

Harry snorted. “Nah.”

“How do you know?”

Harry considered that for a moment. “Greyback’d know. If I was. He found me in a Muggle place, so. He said he can tell.”

“Are there any wizards? In the - pup hut?”

Harry gave him a warning look. It wasn't good to get too interested in the pup hut. “Dunno. Greyback’d know. You could ask him. He can taste it.”

Lupin didn’t say anything else. Harry gave him the bunk in the corner that had belonged to Charon before he joined the grown ups. It was under Harry’s bunk. Harry liked being up high so Bader couldn’t get him in his sleep, but Lupin probably wouldn’t have a problem with that. Bader wasn’t there when they got in, or Archie or the littlests. Probably taking the long way back in case Greyback couldn’t catch anyone and tried the pup hut. Harry sorted out a pillow and blanket - stealing the extras from Bader’s bed - and handed them to the Lupin. 

“Thank you,” he said again. It was dark inside the hut, without even the moon to see by, but he thought he saw the glint of a small smile. “Harry.”

“Yeah. All right.” Harry climbed up to his own bunk, felt the bed settle as the Lupin laid out beneath him. Harry closed his eyes and listened, waited for the Lupin’s breathing to even out, waited for the others to come back. He heard noises from the bonfire - some howling, some keening. Part of himself wished it were closer to moon so he could be out there, running around free, not having to worry about Greyback or Bader or anybody, just him and the ground under his paws and the moon. But it was only waxing crescent. At least he'd made it back to the pup hut and the Lupin was there, on the bunk underneath him. Maybe that meant something good, or good enough. But even still, he stayed awake until he heard Lupin's breath go deep beneath him. Couldn't be too careful, not with grown ups. Not even fresh ones.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning Bader was all set to kick a fit because of the Lupin having his blanket and pillow, but Harry mentioned how Greyback’d been looking for him and that shut him right up. 

“Is he going to live with us forever?” Archie asked as the boys got up in the morning. Harry’d been mostly right about them taking the long way back, but they’d found a deer on the way and tried to chase it down. Archie was all over prickers and scratch marks and he had a bruise from where the deer had kicked him. “D’you think? D’you think he has any books?”

“Dunno. Ask him,” Harry said.

“But you know him.”

“I don’t know him, I just brought him back.”

“C’mon, ask the Lupin for me. Just ask him, what could it hurt?”

“If it won’t hurt, why won’t you ask him?” Harry snapped, then felt bad when Archie’s lip wobbled once. Archie was good to him, better than he had to be. Harry sighed. “I’ll ask him, fine. But only if Greyback leaves him with us in the hut. Otherwise, he’ll be with the grown ups and you won’t get to read them anyway.”

Archie grinned and scampered down to the lake. Breakfast was a free for all, everyone trying to hunt up something for themselves. Archie’s grin meant maybe a fish for Harry, if he’d ask the Lupin about books. Well, fine. Harry liked fish for breakfast. He was looking around for kindling when the Lupin came out of the hut. He was dressed in different wizard clothes, even though his ones from yesterday hadn’t smelled dirty. He looked taller and stronger in the daylight, or maybe just away from Greyback. He saw Harry in the tree line and came over. 

“Thank you. For walking me back last night.”

“Okay.” The Lupin kept saying thank you. Harry knew, vaguely, what that was - Greyback liked them to say thanks and be grateful to him for everything - but it seemed like Lupin wanted him to say something back and he didn’t know what it was.

“I was wondering - is there anywhere you use particularly to - relieve yourselves?”

For a moment Harry thought he meant pairing up and he wanted to puke. Then he saw Lupin shift, slightly, from one foot to another, and he grinned, in relief more than anything. “You mean take a piss?”

Lupin smiled ruefully. “I suppose I do, yes.”

“Just wherever, I guess. Not too far from the hut or the grown ups’ll smell it at moon and chase it down and then they get mad. Just bury anything that isn’t piss.” He thought the Lupin blushed a little and Harry grinned again. “And don’t use poison ivy to wipe.”

“Wise words. I’ll keep them under advisement.” The Lupin broke off behind the tree line. Harry thought Archie’d like the Lupin. He’d like all his fancy talk. 

The Lupin emerged when Harry finished gathering tinder and kindling for a breakfast fire. Everyone else’d scattered, Bader probably off to hunt down Greyback and beg forgiveness, the other littles keeping their own company. Harry jerked his chin at the Lupin. 

“You caught breakfast yet?”

“No. I don’t imagine I’ll be very good at it.”

Harry stared at him. He really was sort of a pup. “Archie’n me are doing fish. Down by the lake. If you want to see how.” Harry'd offer to share, but any other adult'd clip him one if he'd dare imply they couldn't catch their own. Lupin just smiled at him though, looked grateful.

“I - yes. Thank you. I'd like that very much. If you’ll have me.” 

Harry handed over a stack of kindling. “Come on, then.” And he cut off for the lake. 

He felt the Lupin watching him as they walked. He didn’t know how to feel about it. It didn’t feel like how Greyback watched - possessive, almost hungry. But it felt hungry in a way, maybe. Harry didn’t know what to make of it. He wasn’t scared of the Lupin. (He wasn’t scared of Greyback either, not really, just cautious, which was smart.) But they’d never had a fresh one so old before. Harry didn’t know how to act. 

“How long have you been here, Harry?"

Harry shrugged. “Told Greyback last night. Dunno.” 

Some of the others knew their ages, roughly - had remembered how old they were when they came, like Archie who was eight and had a birthday near Samhain so he could track it pretty good since they feasted every Samhain. Archie’d been here five Samhain feasts, he said that meant he was near thirteen. Harry remembered when Archie came which Harry thought should mean he was near thirteen too. But Archie had been bigger than Harry when he came, a lot bigger, so he said he thought maybe that meant Harry was ten or eleven now. Years didn’t make sense to Harry so much - he understood the moon better. 

“Do you miss your family? From before?”

Harry snorted, felt himself stepping particularly heavily on the path. “No.” He didn’t really remember them at all except his bunk there was smaller than in the pup hut and the man used to yell but not as bad as Greyback. He had line of scars under his shoulder bite, like from a belting. Harry knew what it meant, that they were under the bite. That meant they’d come first. So no, he didn’t miss the before people. He wasn’t going to miss anything that was just not as bad as Greyback. He’d save his missing for something better.

“You got books?” Harry asked, trying to push off from families. He didn’t need family. He had a pack, that was more than enough. He didn't need anyone, really, especially once he got big enough to beat Greyback or Bader in a fight. Then he'd go off on his own, just him and the woods and the wolf during moon. Then he'd have everything he needed. “You use fancy words and stuff like ones from books.”

“I - have books, yes.” The Lupin looked bewildered by the change in topic but followed it. Good.

“With you?”

“A few. Why, would you - do you like books?”

The Lupin looked hopeful, all of a sudden. Harry grunted. “Not me. Archie. He reads ‘em, sometimes. When we can find them. Sometimes people camp here, by the northern ridge. They leave stuff. Magazines and stuff. He wanted me to ask you.”

“Well. I do. I’d be happy to share them with you, or Archie. They’re a little advanced, but - ”

“I don’t need ‘em. But Archie might want to look. You tell him.” He let himself feel a moment of regret - if Lupin went off with the grown ups, that’d be it for those books and Archie’d be sad. But at least it’d made him stop talking about families. 

Archie had four fish waiting for them down at the lake. If nothing else, Harry decided that was a good day.

***

The Lupin’s lean to wasn’t far from the pup hut. Greyback had moved him up to it after a week or so in the pup hut - the Lupin wasn’t allowed in the cave with the real men, but Greyback said he was too grown to stay with the pups either. Harry’d been scared at first, that Lupin had been moved because of the books, that someone had told, but then the next day Archie had gone to visit and there was Lupin, with his four books and his notebook and quill and his answering questions for Archie just like he'd done in the pup hut. One of the books was a school book about a wizard school and Archie started to call the lean-to the School, until Harry cuffed him one. Greyback might not have moved Lupin because of the books, but that doesn’t mean he’d like it if he found out. School was for humans, Harry reminded Archie. Archie remembered after that. 

Harry didn’t go to Lupin’s as much as Archie did. He liked Lupin well enough - he was soft spoken and kind and he hadn’t hit anyone yet, although Harry figured that was just a matter of time. But he was pretty sure the Lupin wouldn’t hit anyone unless they gave him a pretty good reason, and that was better than the rest of the pack. At first he stayed away because Greyback would drop by at weird times, just to see what Lupin was doing. "Checking up," Greyback'd holler, and then he'd take Lupin away for the day to teach him tracking or hunting or to do something else. Harry tried to keep as far from Greyback as he could so he steered clear. That just made sense. But then Grayback stopped doing that - he had politics business in the Outside, he said, so he wasn't around as much. Archie started going then just about every day, but Harry still steered clear. He didn’t like the way the Lupin looked at him, he figured. It wasn’t like Greyback, no - but it was different from how Bader or Archie or the other littles looked at him. He didn’t like being looked at like that, like he was different. It was dangerous. So he only went to the lean-to every so often, with Archie, and he never stayed long.

Harry hadn’t meant to go to the lean-to after his punishment, either. It was right before the full moon which was when Greyback was always cranky - the full moon could never come fast enough for him. Harry wasn’t sure what it had been this time - probably a look, or a smirk. Greyback hated looks and smirks. He hated most things about Harry but Harry'd gotten better as he got bigger, he hadn’t gotten punished for a while and so Harry’d forgotten how bad it could hurt. He’d gotten a belting and a biting and he felt sore all over when he made his way back to the pup hut and heard Bader bellowing. Harry didn’t want to deal with Bader still sore from Greyback, so he figured he’d hide out at Lupin’s for a while. Lupin'd probably be out hunting or talking to the other grown ups, anyway. And even if he wasn’t, it couldn’t be worse than what Harry'd already gotten. The Lupin was out when he let himself in. Lupin’d done a lot of work on the place. He’d made himself a little bunk of blankets all folded up nice, and a big flat rock near it for a nightstand. His wizard clothes were hanging on nails poking out of the wall - he didn’t wear them anymore since Greyback said werewolves didn’t wear wizard cast offs - and they seemed to stop the wind from blowing through so hard. Harry didn’t sit on the bunk or anything. He wasn’t stealing or snooping. He was just hiding. But it was warmer in there than it was outside and he figured Lupin might not mind if he just lay on the floor under the wizard clothes for a little while. Just until his back stopped bleeding. 

He guessed he’d fallen asleep because he woke up to Lupin shaking his shoulder. “Harry? What’s happened? Are you all right? Harry!”

“M’fine,” Harry grumbled, trying to roll away from Lupin. His back hurt too bad, and he hissed. 

“Let me see. Oh, your poor back.”

“It’s fine,” Harry said again, slightly disgruntled. He wasn’t a baby. He’d had way worse than this loads of times. “Was just hiding out, that’s all. Bader’s in a mood.”

“Did Bader - “ Lupin was kneeling on the floor next to him, his hand hovering over Harry’s shoulder. 

“Nah. Just didn’t want to catch more of it than I already had.” Lupin looked almost like he was going to cry. “God, Lupin, I’m fine, all right? It’s just a belting.”

Lupin flinched. “Right,” he said quietly. “Of course. May I - have you cleaned it out, yet?”

Harry squinted at the Lupin. He did try and take a dip in the lake or something after - the water sometimes helped the swelling, it felt like, but he didn’t like, scrub it or anything, and he hadn’t risked the lake earlier - too big a chance Bader’d see him heading there. He shrugged. 

“It’s fine.”

“It can get - infected, you know. If it isn’t cleaned properly. Make you ill. Infected is when - well, I suppose it’s like germs get in through -“

“I know infected, I’m not stupid.” And he did know - he didn’t know what infection was but he knew some of his cuts didn’t get better as quick as others had and once he’d gotten a real bad fever when he’d got bit by a dog and he’d had to stay in bed for three days. “It hasn’t got infected before.”

“If - if you’d let me look, I can - I promise not to, er, do anything. Without your consent. Without you saying it’s all right.”

Harry looked at him, distrustfully. But slowly, turned slightly so Lupin could see his back. Harry’d never seen his back after a belting - he hadn’t properly seen his back at all. He’d seen other peoples, though, Bader and Archie and even grown ups, sometimes - Greyback didn’t discriminate who he thought needed to be punished. Lupin seemed more interested in the bite wound on his shoulder. Greyback liked to chomp the same place over and over - liked to fit his teeth into the same spot again and again, that first spot he bit you. He’d just sharpened his teeth again and Harry’s shoulder was throbbing in time to his heart beat. 

Lupin sucked in a breath, then let it out. “All right. Well, the - it isn’t so bad.”

“Told you.”

“Your - it’s only broken skin in a few place, and not very deep. It shouldn’t - it probably won’t scar. The -“ He heard Lupin swallow, felt his fingers come out and hover over his shoulder. “The bite, that - that needs looking after. I don’t - I suppose Greyback -” Harry kept his face blank. “Well, the human mouth is - actually pretty disgusting. There’s all sorts of things living in there.”

“Like what?” Harry asked interestedly. He imagined little dogs and cats and squirrels, all mouth sized, running over his teeth.

“Oh, just - different sorts of germs and things."

“What about werewolves?”

Lupin gave a small smile. “No, werewolves don't live in your mouth - “

“No, I mean - you said the human mouth is disgusting. What about werewolf mouths? Do things live in there?”

Lupin was quiet a moment. “Yes, well - probably a lot of the same things that live in human mouths. And lycanthropy.”

“That’s what wizards call us, right? Lycanthropies."

“Lycanthropes, actually. Lycanthropy is - the name of the disease. It’s carried by bodily fluids - mostly saliva, sometimes blood.” Lupin sounded sad.

“Then my shoulder’s probably okay. I already have lycanthropes.” Lupin let out a sudden, sharp laugh. Harry grinned at him. “He’s bit me there lots of times. It never got infested.”

“Infected. Well - it can’t hurt to clean it out, can it?”

Harry shrugged. He didn’t know. “Could Greyback tell? If you cleaned it?”

“He - shouldn’t be able to, no.”

“But you don’t know for sure.”

“Not for sure, no. But I’m fairly certain.”

“I’m fine, then. I said. I’ll take a swim before dinner.”

Lupin pursed his lips, then nodded. “I - if you insist. But - if you want me to, ever - or - you can always come here. All right?”

“Yeah, okay. I don’t need to come here, though. I just didn’t want to deal with Bader.”

“Of course.” Lupin looked at his back a little longer. “He’s done this - a lot, you say?”

Harry shrugged. “I guess. Not more’n some.” That was a teeny lie - Greyback hit Harry more than he hit any of the others - but he didn’t want Lupin to think he was some sort of baby who needed to be kept in line, who couldn't hold his own against Greyback.

“And is that - are you hurt anywhere else? Anywhere you think you’d like to - not that I’d have to look, I’m not saying - but there are salves, or - if there was anything -“

“Dunno what you’re talking about,” Harry said frankly. “None of it hurts bad, really. I’m fine.”

“Of course. Just - sometimes people can get - sensitive about certain types of -“

“I’m not sensitive!” Harry yelped, sitting bolt upright and hissing slightly as his back pulled. 

“No, no, I wasn’t saying - of course not. Just -“ Lupin twisted his hands and looked Harry in the eye. Harry wasn’t used to that - they didn’t look in eyes here, except for Greyback, who’d grab your chin and grip so hard it bruised to make you look at him. “I want to help you, Harry. All right?”

“I help myself. I don’t need other help.”

“I know you can help yourself. I - would like to help you too. If you ever need it.”

“I don’t.”

“Well. If you ever did.”

Harry stared at the Lupin, who was looking at Harry steadily. He crossed his arms over his chest, ignoring how it tugged at the welts on his back. “What do you want from me?”

“What I just said. To help you - “

“How come you’re always looking at me? You never look at Hati or Archie or Hunter like that. Just me."

Lupin looked surprised. Then it disappeared. “You remind me of myself, when I was young.”

Harry looked at Lupin. At the bags under his eyes, the patched jeans and neatly darned sweater. The line of scars on his face. “How come? Because of the scars?”

Lupin looked at Harry, face soft. His hand rubbed at his own shoulder while he stared at Harry. “Yes, I have a scar like that too. I imagine we all do.”

“Not that,” Harry flicked the thought away. “I meant -“ He pointed at Lupin’s face scars, over his nose and cheek. “I got ‘em too. Not there, I mean. But Greyback doesn’t mark your face really unless you’ve been extra bad. He only did mine on accident.”

“Greyback didn’t give me these. I gave them to myself.” Lupin sounded stiff.

“When the wizards tortured you?”

Lupin looked surprised. “I wasn’t - the wizards didn’t torture me.”

“Greyback said. They made you transform alone over and over. I’ve done that. It’s worse than torture."

“I chose to do that. Most of the time.”Harry stared at him. Volunteering for torture was as alien a thought to him as living on the moon. 

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Greyback says we’re meant to hurt people. He says that’s our calling."

“No one has a calling to hurt people. Innocent people. Do you feel like that’s your calling?”

Harry thought a minute. Thought about Bader, about how he dreamed at night about smashing him in the face over and over until he cried and gave up alpha. But then he thought about Greyback asking for Bader, about covering for him even when Bader had hurt him. Because that wasn’t fighting fair. He’d pound Bader into the ground if he could but he wouldn’t send Greyback after him. Not yet. 

“Not innocent people,” Harry said slowly. “But some people deserve it.”

“Like who? Greyback?”

Harry pulled back, looked over his shoulder at the jagged hole the lean-to called a window. “Of course not!” he hissed. “Don’t - of course not. Greyback’s alpha. He does what he likes. That’s what alpha’s do.”

“Some might argue that -“

“Stop!” Harry hissed again, and he threw himself forward into standing and propelled himself toward the door of the lean-to. “You can’t say things like that! You want me to get double what I got, you - “

“No! Harry, of course I - but you’re safe here. I put up charms -“

Harry looked at the walls of the lean-to with interest. They looked like normal boring wood, swollen with damp in some places and splintery in others. He poked at a knothole with a pinky. “Magic?”

“Yes. I believe a man has a right to say as he pleases in his own home.”

“S’not yours, s’Greyback’s.” But Harry prodded at the wall, a little harder. “Besides, it wouldn’t just be me, you know? Anyone hears you saying that, you’ll get triple what I got. Quad-triple.” Archie’d been telling him about numbers the other day, about how triple meant three times and quad-triple meant four. He’d already known double for himself.

“Quadruple,” Lupin said quietly. He was almost smiling, but it went away again. “I won’t do anything to put you in danger.”

“How come?”

“I don’t believe in - I don’t think it’s right. To hurt children. To hurt anyone.”Harry poked at the wall again. He got the idea of not hurting anyone - anyone meant anyone which he guessed would include children. But he didn’t get the idea of not hurting children in particular. Everyone did. He’d gotten hit by every adult on camp, except Lupin, and what he remembered about the outside world, he’d got hit plenty there too. Hitting was what you did to kids to make them listen, to keep them in line. It didn’t work particularly well, Harry thought, but that didn’t make it wrong.

"Harry? Did you hear me?" 

Harry snorted. "M'not deaf," he grumbled. As if to prove the point, he swiveled his head towards the wall of Lupin's lean-to. Stood up, brushed himself off, as if Lupin's lean-to had a scent or a dirt to it that lingered on him. "Better go."

"Wait - are you sure you don't want me to -"

"Gonna go dip in the lake. Feasting'll start soon." Harry could hear preparations beginning already - the men coming back through the woods, probably with deer or some other big game to roast on the big bonfire. He'd better clean off before feasting started - it wasn't good to smell like human blood too soon to moon. Harry ducked out of the lean-to and back towards the lake. He had a lot to think about.


End file.
